Do Nothing Weekends

We did nothing this weekend.  I always have big plans for the weekend.  I want to get all the chores done that I don't have the time to get to during the week.  Problem is that by the time the work week is done I am exhausted!  I feel very bad about it.  I SHOULD be going out with my boys bringing them to a place like the children's museum or even at least to the park but we didn't.  We hardly got out of our pyjamas this weekend.
It's one of the hard things about being a single mom.  I am constantly feeling like I should be doing more and then feeling guilty when I can't.  This weekend was not my proudest moment.  I get so tired that all I want to do is lounge on the couch and watch mindless tv.  I know I should be cleaning the floor or bringing the kids out but I sometimes just don't have the energy.  When the kids were younger I had nap time that I used to take as my 'do nothing' time but they no longer nap during the day at home.  I miss it!
I'm not always like this.  Some weekends I am really proud of myself for all the things I get done but sometimes the exhaustion just kicks in.  I have to say this because I have to remind myself that it's ok to have 'do nothing' weekends sometimes and that I do do a lot most of the time.  I guess it's hard because my house is never sparkling clean and I often have a basket of laundry lying somewhere waiting to be folded.  It's hard for me to say to myself - it's ok.

Birthday Mommy Guilt!

Can you ever really shake away the Mommy Guilt?  Today is my youngest son's birthday.  He is 4 years old.  After work yesterday I brought my oldest son to his drama class and then planned on rushing to buy a cake for the daycare before I had to pick him up.  Didn't think it would be so hard except that every cake I could come across in that hour had that little warning at the bottom of the ingredients list: May have come into contact with tree nuts!  Of course his daycare is peanut-free so I can't get any of those cakes.  As the clock was ticking I was getting more and more panicked that I wouldn't find his cake.  That's when the mommy guilt started to set in.  I could hear the little voice inside my head say: "I should have baked him a cake myself" (don't know when but I should have), "I should have spent the extra money and ordered a cake from a fancy bakery where I could make sure it was peanut free" (not really in my budget, but again, I should have).  Finally the hour was up when I had to go pick up my son from Drama class and I was cake-less- "Worst Mother of the Year".
Thankfully, my father agreed to help me and he is running around right now trying to get a cake for him to bring to the daycare.  I know it will be ok but I can't shake this Mommy Guilt!
That's one of the things that's hard about being a single, working parent.  You want to be able to get everything done but the fact is, there just aren't enough hours in the day!  I can get through the day-to-day pretty well but special events just throw me for a loop.  Thank goodness that I have the support from my father and brother to help me out because I don't know how I would be able to get things done otherwise.  I want to be able to give my kids everything they would get if they were part of a two parent home but sometimes I just can't.  I don't like to complain about it.  It's not really my style and I don't want anybody feeling sorry for me.  I love my life it's just hard sometimes.

Getting Fit

The last time I had a physical my doctor said that I should be exercising more.  I know this, I have never really been a very sporty girl and now especially, other than running after my two boys- I don't have time to do much.  It was especially daunting when she said I should be doing at least 45 minutes, 3-4 times a week.  What?  When?!  Finding extra time for anything, especially time for me is always difficult.  Also, if I do manage to get some time off, the last thing I want to do is exercise.  I knew I had to come with a better idea.
One afternoon, as I was watching my kids play their Wii and trying to figure out how to get THEM off the couch it came to me.  If I can't beat them, join them!  I decided that we would all start exercising with the video game.
So, we got the "Wii Fit Plus", the balance board and a couple of nunchuk controls.  We were on our way!  I have to admit, so far it's been quite a success.  I am moving more, the boys join me and get to choose the exercises that I do.  They sometimes have me just run the basic run or sometimes even have a snowball fight on the game.  It's actually fun.  It' not very high intensity which is good for me right now as I am just beginning but enough to get me sweating a little bit.  As I get used to these exercises I might try out some games with a little more intensity.  It will also be warmer weather outside, so hopefully I will continue exercising out in the real world.  It was just the thing to help me move more.  Another bonus is that the Wii fit doesn't cut into my "me time".  It's something I do with the boys and it gets all of us exercising.

New Best Friend: Super Mario

My kids have recently discovered Super Mario Bros.  They didn't really understand that it was a game at first- just 2 characters that would be fun to look like for Halloween.  It didn't take them long before they soon discovered that these two fun Italian plumbers were also part of a video game.  I caved and got a Wii, partly because I was feeling nostalgic and was looking forward to reliving playing Mario myself but also thought that it would be harmless fun for my boys.  What I didn't expect was the obsession that would soon take over.  The first thing they want to do in the morning is play Mario, I more than once had to unplug the console from the TV to get them the stop.  My boys even sometimes refer to themselves as Mario and Luigi.  Mommy guilt has firmly set in.  What have I done?  How could I let it get this far?  Last weekend I wasn't feeling very well and I have to admit that I turned on the video game and I was able to stay in bed and relax a bit while they played... Mommy guilt.
The truth is that I don't think that video games are all bad.  I think they help kids learn that practice make perfect and to persevere until they get it.  The trouble is they are so attractive to kids that it can often take over and it's all that they want to do.  I came across the following article from Circle of Mom: 8 Limits Make Video Games Good Your Kids by Sharon Silver. Reading it was such a life-saver for me.  It helped me realize that I could allow them to play the games but still find a balance with the rest of their life.  I especially liked the 3 rules that the author outlined:

1. Frustration = taking a break, like it or not.

2. Not Sharing = timers are used to make sure things stay fair.

3. Negotiations or begging for more time = no play for 24 hours.

They are simple, easy for kids of all ages to understand and clear.  I can now allow my boys to play with a little less Mommy guilt knowing that there are limits.  I also try to vary the games up like the author suggested so that I can try to make sure that some play time is a little more educational or active at times.

Things are not perfect, as I am writing this my youngest is begging to play video games but at least I can be a little bit reassured that it's a bit more controlled.  

Liberty

As a celebration of getting through this first year of my separation I organized what I called a “liberty dinner”. Sort of on the same line as a “divorce party” that is gaining popularity these days. It was a chance for me to reclaim myself and to show my friends that life is good and I am doing well. I truly love my life and am happier now than I have ever been. Being a mother is one of the greatest joys of my life and making that decision a year ago that the life we were living wasn’t healthy was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself and my children. As crazy as the day-to-day is right now, it is much better than before because now there is peace in our life. I think it’s difficult for some people to see past the image of the perfect family. What is a perfect family? Would my children have been happier if mom and dad were in the same house but not acting and loving each other as a family? I think it’s a difficult question to answer. I don’t know the perfect right answer and it’s probably quite different from one family to another but I do feel confident that, for my children and myself, this was the right move- and I felt the need to celebrate this moment. Now, at the same time, I feel it’s important to mention that this was purely my celebration. As much as I feel better to have marked this moment in our life- I would never involve my children in the celebration. They love their father, as they should, and now when it’s ‘daddy-time’, it’s quality ‘daddy-time’ and that is also a reason to celebrate.

Perfect Easter Weekend

I love this time of year in Montreal!  We've been hibernating for so long during the winter that I find it so exciting to hear and see the Canada Geese flying overhead, seeing the buds on the trees start to appear, and seeing the tulips emerging from the ground.  Everybody is out and about - I even saw a women sunbathing on her balcony in her bikini on Friday.  This year was especially great because my boys are getting bigger and it's getting easier to take them out by myself.  It was actually pleasant going to the park this weekend.  Instead of both of them running in opposite directions (like toddlers do sometimes) they were playing together and (gasp) taking turns!  I was scared to pinch myself in fear that I would wake up to see that it was only a dream :)  It's nice to see that despite all the difficult behaviour that they often show- they are capable of playing together really nicely. It's also very exciting to know that, as time goes on, I will be able to go on more and more outings with them by myself without fear of losing one of them or having a nervous breakdown!  If the sun clears later today I might even attempt the ecomuseum.

Toddler Nightime Woes

Nightime is always unpredictable at my house.  With two little boys aged 2 and 3 I often find one crawling into my bed in the middle of the night.  I don't mind- I just pick them up, plop them next to me and we can all have a good night's sleep.  The problem occurs when both wake up at the same time!  This is one of the moments when being a single mom is the most difficult. Putting them both in bed with me doesn't work because one always bothers the other one usually my 2 year old bothering his older brother.  If I bring them back to their room, I end up awake between them trying to coax them back to sleep.  Last night was one of those nights. We tried to stay in the same bed, didn't work.  I brought my 2 year old back to his bed and asked my three year old to stay in my bed.  Just as I was lying next to my two year old in his bed and he's almost asleep, my three year old comes in the room.  Wakes us all up again.  Now they are both in their own beds and I am still with my two year old in his little toddler bed.... Just when I'm sure that he is now sleeping and I can finally return to my own bed- he meows (pretending to be a cat).  As funny as that sounds (two year olds are so unpredicatable) it is very frustrating at 4:30 in the morning!  I stayed for about 20 minutes more- finally they are both asleep.  Of course, by then it was 5:15 in the morning, half an hour before my alarm goes off.  Being a mother of two toddlers is never without surprises!