Friday, January 17, 2014

Judging Parents!

I recently shared with a friend that my five year old son has been having some bed-wetting issues.  Something that I know could be a phase and is often quite common especially among boys.  I was merely sharing from one parent to another a frustration about having to change the sheets everyday!  Instead of getting a little understanding I was met with a statement about her son having stopped doing that at 3 and it must be behaviour and needs to be dealt with.  Even though I have done my research and know that it's not a major cause for concern at this point my friends statement made me feel like she thought I was a bad mother and that my son was not normal.
It frustrates me to no end when parents judge each other.  We all know how hard raising kids is and some days are good and some days are very hard. Why do some parents refuse to admit that?  Why do they need to pretend that their families run so much more smoothly than others?  It just makes everybody feel so badly and inadequate.
I remember seeing a scene from the first season of Desperate Housewives where Lynette has a breakdown because she is finding parenting to be so hard and everyone else makes it look so easy for them. Her friends start telling her difficult times that they also had with their kids and she says how we need to be sharing that stuff!  I completely agree.  When I ask a friend how things are going at home I don't want to hear how she is absolutely loving every minute of raising her little angel!  I want her to share with me the good times and the difficult.  We are friends and should be supporting each other.
The love I have for my kids is so great that it's almost impossible to describe.  Every parent can relate to that.  I love watching them grow up. I love watching them learn new things. I love cuddles at bedtime and reading stories... I could go on and on but the truth is parenting is very, very hard!  It's not fun being woken up every night!  It's not fun to be cleaning up vomit and diarrhea!  It's not fun to be in a grocery store when your child starts throwing a fit (and yes, it has happened to you!).
By sharing our experiences and being honest we are not saying that we love our kids any less.  We are merely helping each other as parents get through the day and feel better that, as hard as it is, and as many times as we think we are probably scarring our children for life by not being able to get them to be compliant to our every request, we are probably doing ok.  As parents we don't need to be perfect.  We need to be loving, we need to try our hardest and we need to be honest.
When we see the mom or dad struggling to get their 2 year old to get their coat on at daycare.  Instead of just watching and ushering our kids (who happen to be compliant that day) out maybe we should say- do you need help?  or my kids were like that yesterday!  It's unbelievable how that little phrase can help when the parent just feels like everybody is watching and judging!

Here's a clip I found of Lynette's best moments in season one... I hope it helps!  I know it does for me.